Happy Ed Birthday
by Mr. BC
Summary: Everyone in the culdesac has celebrated his or her birthday. Here is what happened in each kid's party. Please R
1. February 9 : Rolf

On a cold gray afternoon, Rolf was out in his yard, tending to his animals. Even on his birthday, he would take time out to tend to them because they were very important to him.

Suddenly, the cul-de-sac crew came up to him and handed him gifts. "SURPRISE!" They all shouted once he turned around.

"How did everyone know today is Rolf's birthday?" he asked.

"We remember from last year, so we decided to throw you a party," Nazz explained.

"Rolf is very grateful," he replied.

"Why don't we all go inside and have the party?" Jimmy suggested.

"We shall," Rolf said.

Before they got inside, Edd walked up behind them with a present he made and joined.

"Happy birthday, Rolf. I brought you this from the rest of us and I'm sure you'll like it."

"Thank you, Double Ed boy."

With that, everyone went inside. Eddy and Ed were closely following them and waited outside Rolf's house.

"Just wait until he opens the present I wrapped him, Ed. Not even Double D knows what's inside."

"What do we do, Eddy?"

"We just sit, wait and watch. I'll be in hysterics when he opens the present."

Meanwhile, Urban Rangers Jonny and Jimmy gave Rolf birthday pins before they played a game of Twister. When they were finished, everyone handed him his cake. They sang "Happy Birthday" and then got to his presents. Normally, he would be critical of the gifts he would receive, claiming them to be against his culture. However, he decided to put that aside for this occasion.

"Hey, Rolf, open mine first," Jimmy recommended.

"Rolf shall open Jimmy's present," he replied. He opened the box and found a snow globe with the skyline of beautiful Leipzig, Germany.

"Rolf is very grateful for your gift, Jimmy," he cheerfully said.

"How about ours, Rolf," Jonny said, handing him a present that he and Plank made together. They handmade him a poorly knitted sweater with the Bulgarian national colors.

"Rolf does not know what to say," he said about the sweater.

"Here's my present," Kevin said, handing his over. His was the DVD _Good Morning, Vietnam._

"This is good, Kevin. Thank you," Rolf replied.

"Mine, next! Mine next!" Sarah demanded.

"Rolf shall open Sarah's present next," he said. The wrapper came off and Rolf had himself a small figurine of a 1982 Chrysler. He was grateful for that as well.

"Why don't you open mine now," Nazz politely asked.

"Rolf will do just that," he responded. The present Nazz gave him was a wall calendar of the Swiss Alps. "Rolf appreciates that, perky Nazz girl. Now, how about you, quiet Ed boy?"

"Of course, Rolf, you will probably adore what we put together." Edd handed him the gift box. Little did he realize what huge trouble he was about to put him and the other Eds into in giving Rolf the present.

Outside, Ed and Eddy were watching this unfold and Eddy could hardly contain his excitement.

"Oh, come on Rolf, can't you open it faster?" he said under his breath.

"Mashed potatoes," Ed helpfully added.

Rolf had taken the wrapping paper off the box and held up his present. It was a small, simple button. He pressed it to see what it did.

"Rolf does not understand this…" Before he could finish, the button released the unbearable odor of an unsanitary sewer. Everyone either covered their noses with their hand or their shirt.

"Double Dork, what's the meaning of this?" Kevin said, going up to him. Edd was so surprised and taken aback that he didn't know how to answer.

Outside, Eddy had broken into an absolute fit of uncontrollable laughter after watching and the look of befuddlement on Edd's face was priceless to him.

"Ed, you should have seen the look on Sockhead's face! It was so funny!" he went back into a fit of laughter.

"Why aren't we in there, Eddy?"

"Because it would be funny if Double D went in to give Rolf his present instead of us."

Back inside, the party crew had huddled up around Edd and demanded that he tell why he brought that present. He was still speechless and gave them a blank look.

Suddenly, they heard giggling outside. They knew it belonged to the other two Eds. Rolf opened the door and he saw Eddy and Ed talking with Victor and Wilfred.

"Ed boys! Did you give Rolf this stink button?"

"Yes we did, Rolf!" Ed happily said despite Eddy trying to prevent him from saying so.

"Why?"

"We thought it would be a funny joke to play and get some money off it," Eddy replied, holding up his money jar.

"Well, you ain't getting no money from any of us," Kevin said, backing Rolf up.

"Don't you have any dignity, Eddy?" Edd said. "You made me look like an ignoramus in there, and you know I have deep animosity for that kind of action."

"Let's go back inside and have fun without these fatheads," Sarah suggested.

"Let's," everyone replied.

"I'm the king of party crashers," Eddy said out loud. "You wait and see. This whole year will be full of it.

"Can you buy me potato chips, Eddy," a hungry Ed said.

"No."

"Aww, come on. Buy or you won't be invited to my party!"

Eddy just sighed and went to the store, leaving the party crew to continue having fun.


	2. March 22 : Ed

Ed was sound asleep in his bedroom on the morning of his birthday. He had expected many good things to happen on his day. When his alarm went off at 9:45 A.M., his eyes were wide open and he was ready to go.

Sarah, on the other hand, was not too thrilled about his birthday. Year after year, she had to put up with his loud and jovial nature on his birthday. She sulked into the kitchen to make herself breakfast when Ed stampeded into the room.

"BIRTHDAY! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!" he shouted as he ran across the house.

"Ed, you idiot," Sarah shouted back. "Keep it down. Mom and Dad are still sleeping."

"But, Sarah, this is the best day of the year." He enveloped his sister into a big hug, much to her disgust. "I need to go to my friends' house and celebrate with them. Get ready for my party tonight."

Just for the heck of it, he added before going off, "Teddy Bears! Don't you love them."

Sarah simply sighed in disgust as she continued her breakfast before heading over to Jimmy's.

Eddy had just gotten up and was enjoying his morning shower. He knew it was Ed's birthday and he was not looking forward to it.

"Why do we have to celebrate Lumpy's party?" he grumbled to himself. "Couldn't we just go to a carnival instead? This is the time of year when the weather gets nicer and nicer. I'd rather enjoy that."

Suddenly, Ed made his way through the shower drain and popped up.

"Hiya, Eddy," he cheerfully greeted.

"Ed!" Eddy screamed in shock as he ran out as quickly as possible to put his bathrobe on. "What in Heaven's name are you doing here?"

"Don't you have a car flood light?" he asked just as demanding.

"Look, Ed. I know it's your birthday, but why are you in my shower? Are you trying to look at me naked?"

"Yes, I do, Eddy!"

"Just get out of here! Go find Double D and torture him." Eddy tried to go back to his shower.

"We shall do that, Eddy!" He flew out of the house towards Edd's house – taking Eddy with him.

"Edd, what are you doing?"

"Taking us to Double D's house just like you said, Eddy!"

Edd was finished with his breakfast and had finished wrapping Ed's present. He, for a change was looking forward to Ed's party.

"Hello, Double D." he yelled as he made his way into Edd's room.

Startled, Edd kept his composure and greeted him. "Hello, Ed. I took the liberty of making you a present."

"You're the best, Double D!" he ran over and embraced Edd, grossing him out. He opened the present and found a huge box of Chunky Puffs.

"Double D, you shouldn't have!" he exclaimed before eating the entire box in one big bite. He then ran off to his house to get ready for the party that was to start in three minutes.

"Eddy, why are you in your bathrobe?" he curiously asked.

"I'll give you one good guess, Einstein," he replied, still in a bad mood over being abruptly dragged out of the shower.

Later on, the Eds and an extremely reluctant Sarah were on the lawn, waiting for everyone.

"Ed, did you send out invitations or put up fliers, or _DO ANYTHING TO PROMOTE YOUR PARTY!" _Eddy asked when it was 10:30 and no one showed up.

"No, I didn't, Eddy," Ed happily said.

"Well, I'm going to bed and you can't stop me," Sarah said as she slumped inside.

"Oh, no, you don't!" Eddy dragged her back and then went to retrieve someone.

"Oh, I smell trouble," Edd said to himself.

A couple minutes later, Eddy came back dragging a half-asleep Kevin and a fast asleep Jimmy onto Ed's lawn.

"Hey! You be careful with Jimmy!" Sarah shouted and came to his side.

"Wha – What's going on?" a groggy Kevin asked. He fell asleep in front of the TV watching March Madness. When he came to his senses, he became angry. "Okay, which one of you dorks dragged me out of bed?"

"I did, buddy, so that you can enjoy Ed's party," Eddy calmly explained to him.

"I wouldn't enjoy Triple Dork's party if my life depended on it." He attempted to get back home, but Ed pulled him back and took him for a ride around the cul-de-sac.

"Put me down right now, dork!" he yelled. Ed would not let go.

"Isn't this fun, Kevin?"

When they got back to Ed's lawn, Kevin was red in the face and livid.

"Now it's you turn, Jimmy!"

Jimmy, who had still been asleep until Ed woke him up with his ride, was terrified when he realized what was happening to him.

"Help, Sarah, help!"

Sarah came running to his rescue. "Ed, you put Jimmy down, moron!" But try as she might, Ed's grip on him was too strong and there was no way he was going to let go.

"Oh, you want one, too, baby sister? Very well." He promptly picked her up and whirled her around the cul-de-sac as well.

"Ed, let go of me or I'm telling Mom!" she screamed. But Ed had already finished the ride and would have put her down anyway. "You're disgusting!"

"But I thought you liked rides, Sarah. You always loved them at the carnival.

Little did everyone realize that Kevin had gone to fetch the other cul-de-sac kids, Nazz and Rolf, minus Jonny and Plank, and he had a birthday present for Ed.

"Oh, Ed," he said when he returned. "How foolish it was of me to not bring you a present. I brought everyone to give you Birthday Beatings for ruining your own party. Don't ever wake me up like that again!"

"Let's get them!" they all said.

"Wait! What did we have to do with it!" Edd asked horrified.

"Don't blame me too," Eddy complained. But it was too late. Everyone had crowded around them and started giving Ed Birthday Beatings. Ed and Eddy just came with the package and they were beaten, too.

In his house, Jonny woke up from the commotion and looked out the window.

"Aren't you glad we didn't get invited, Plank?" he asked.

Plank gave him a blank look.

"So am I, buddy. Good night."


	3. April 21 : Edd

It was a beautiful mid-spring day and Edd was out taking a walk to enjoy the weather on his birthday. He didn't want any big party; a small gathering of family and friends for cake would have sufficed. He didn't ask for much presents because he didn't think it was fair to ask his parents to give up a lot of money for him.

However, of course, Eddy wouldn't allow it. While Edd was on his walk, he went up to his lawn and stuck a sign in the grass. He chuckled menacingly and headed back home.

"That was one very refreshing walk," Edd said to himself when he got back. "You know we need these to – What is going on?" He saw all the other kids in front of his house.

"Hey, there's the birthday dork!" Kevin pointed out.

"Let's go mob him!" Ed suggested.

"What! Wait a minute, here!" Edd protested as the mob made its way towards him. When they reached him, they lifted him into the air and sang to him.

Obviously befuddled, Edd looked at the sign Eddy left on his lawn. It read: **_"Please come here and celebrate my birthday at 2:00. Yours truly, Double D"_**

"Eddy, what's the meaning of this?" the birthday boy demanded.

"Come on, Double D. You've always wanted to have fun, and here it is."

"This is not my idea of a good time, Eddy. You know that!"

Eddy didn't hear him. He was too busy mischievously planning the day out. Once the kids had stopped singing, he told them of his plan:

"Okay, folks, listen up. We'll play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, and break for cake and ice cream after that. I made a cake and I'm sure you will love it."

"Eddy, why are you taking advantage of my birthday?" Edd asked incredulously.

Eddy again didn't hear him; he was spaced out due to his vicious ideas. "Okay, who's up for our game?"

"But where's the donkey, Eddy?" Jonny asked. "Plank pointed that out."

"Right here." He lifted the birthday boy and hung him on a tree limb, ready to be pinned despite his vocal opposition.

"Oh, you bet we will make good on this game," Kevin said.

"Now, wait a minute! This is not dignified!" Edd protested. "Do I look like a donkey!"

It was too late.

"OOWWW!" All of the cul-de-sac-kids (except Sarah and Jimmy) took a thumbtack and stuck it into Double D's side.

"This is a more fun beating to watch than the Colorado Rockies pounding earlier today," Kevin said to no one in particular.

"Don't worry, Double D," Ed said calmly once the game was over. "I have a good present for you." He let him down.

"I hope so, Ed," Edd replied, barely being able to move.

"Okay now," the evil party master said jovially. "Who's up for cake and ice cream? Come on inside."

"Don't tell me you baked it," Nazz said doubtfully. Everyone went into Edd's house

"Yes, I did. You will love it.'

"I don't think so, you mean fathead," Sarah replied. "How can you do this to Double D and think it's okay?"

"I just can," he said as he got out his cake. "Okay, who wants a slice for 42 cents?"

His cake contained the following ingredients: Chicken, cough drops, eggs, sardines, Lebanese mustard, pickle juice, oranges and marshmallows. That was topped by an awful bright blue substitute for icing. You smelled that quite strongly for a while.

"How disgusting can you get with a cake?" Jimmy asked, as he turned green. He retreated to the bathroom.

"I just threw in everything I had and look how great it turned out."

"I don't want that lame disgrace," Kevin said haughtily.

"You're sick, Eddy," Sarah added.

"How do you even manage to make a penny?" Nazz asked.

"I'll take some cake!" Ed excitedly responded. He took the pan out from Eddy's hands and devoured the contents, much to the absolute disgust of everyone else.

"Double D, I have a surprise for you," he called after finishing.

"I don't think I want anymore surprises, Ed," he responded while lying in pain on the couch.

"But you'll like this one, I promise."

Edd reluctantly got up slowly as to not aggravate his punctures. As soon as he was on his feet, he was delighted.

"Here you go, little man," Ed said as he presented him with a book on the nature of how centripetal force works.

"Thank you, Ed. I really appreciate this."

"No problemo."

"Come to think of it, I have a present for you, too, Double D," Eddy chimed in.

"I've had enough surprises from you today, thank you," Edd snapped back, understandably angry.

"But it's your day," Eddy argued. "You're supposed to get many surprises."

"Oh, but I'll give you one, fathead!" Sarah shouted from behind.

"I'm right there with you," Kevin added.

"You've been bad," Nazz chimed in.

"Rolf thinks Eddy should be deeply ashamed!" Rolf said.

"Plank says 'Let's get him!'" Jonny said.

With that, everyone ran over towards Eddy and chased him clear out of the cul-de-sac. Eddy, unaware of the treachery in his way of running the party, protested and pleaded everyone to stop.

When everyone came back, they felt sorry for Double D and decided they should do something nice for him.

"Hey, Double D, in celebration of your birthday, why don't you join us for a bite to eat at the pizza parlor around the block, on me?" Nazz suggested.

"That's very considerate of you, but…" Edd started.

"Aw, come on," Sarah pleaded. "This way, you'll forget all about what mean old Eddy did to you."

"I suppose I can do that."

"Hop on my bike if you're too hurt to walk, hombre," Kevin politely suggested.

"Thanks, Kevin."

"Don't mention it, man."

Everyone treated Double D to pizza and then Sarah baked him a real cake at her house. All in all, Double D thought it was a conflicted birthday that started terrible, but worked out fine in the end.


	4. May 10 : Jonny

Jonny was still asleep at 10:51. As always, his best buddy, Plank was right there by his side. When he woke up, he was surprised to see balloons and streamers all around his room.

"Hey, Plank. Did you do all this?" Jonny asked. Plank gave him a blank look.

"Then who did?"

"We did," the other two Urban Rangers, Rolf and Jimmy, cried out, popping into the room.

"Aww, gee, guys. Why did you do this for me?"

"Because Urban Ranger Jonny deserves it after receiving many badges," Rolf replied.

"And you only celebrate your birthday only once a year," Jimmy added.

"Why don't you set up my party outside as well?" Jonny asked.

"Will do, Urban Ranger Jonny," Rolf responded.

An hour later, there was cake, ice cream, presents, and the cul-de-sac crew on Jimmy's front lawn. It was a beautiful mid-spring day and there was no reason to be indoors.

"How about this, Plank? Isn't it awesome?" Jonny asked his friend.

"Hello, Jonny," Double D greeted as he approached him with a present. "I hope you'll accept this token of my gratitude for our friendship."

"You're awesome, Double D."

A minute later, Jonny had all his presents on the table net to the cake and ice cream.

"What do you think is in all of these presents, Plank?" he asked his friend. He was given a blank look.

"Oh, you really think so? We'll find out when it's time to open them."

Kevin was socializing with Nazz and was inviting her and everyone else, except the Eds, to his party next month.

"We'd love to go, Kevin," Nazz responded, "but now, let's enjoy Jonny's party. It's his day, you know."

"Oh, fine," he replied with a disgusted sigh.

"Hey, Melonhead, why don't you open all of your presents, now?" Eddy said, trying to hide his mischief. "We were all kind enough to bring you stuff, so why don't you enjoy it?"

"Great idea, Eddy." He called everyone over to watch him open them.

Once everyone was over, he started with Edd's. His was a science book on the evolution of trees and how they grow.

"Awesome! Now, we can see how Plank's cousins grow up!"

Then he opened Kevin's which was nothing more than a melon-painted basketball. Nazz's present was a double pack of cologne.

"I can use both of these every day!"

Rolf's latest unusual present was a mutilated pumpkin from way back in 1981. Jonny was appreciative of that as well.

Sarah and Jimmy didn't get presents because they baked the cake and dished out refreshments.

"Well, thank you all for your thoughtfulness in buying presents. Plank says 'Let's all have some cake!'" Jonny said after the last present had been opened.

"Wait a second, Johnny," Eddy pleaded. "You forgot to open my present."

"Oh, that's okay, Eddy. We'll open that after we finish eating cake." With that, he and Plank went back to eating cake, much to Eddy's dismay.

"Johnny, this is such a good cake," Nazz commented. "Where did you get it?"

"I didn't buy it. Plank bought it for me!"

"I hope to get this kind of cake for my birthday."

After they had finished the cake, everyone was ready to go on home. Eddy, however, was not finished trying to get Jonny his present.

"Oh, okay, Eddy. If it makes you happy," Jonny said, finally giving in.

"You're really going to like it, Melonhead."

So Jonny opened the box. "Oh, look, Plank. It's a framed picture of you. Thank you very much, Eddy!"

"You're welcome, Baldy." He chuckled evilly, waiting for Jonny to see the treachery in the picture.

Jonny went to his room to place the picture on his bedpost. It wasn't until then that he noticed the mischief in it. It was one of those pictures that changed when you tilted it to one side. On the animated picture, it showed a chainsaw going right through Plank.

"For crying out loud!" he exclaimed. Jonny made his way back down as quickly as his legs could carry him.

"What's the matter, Jonny?" a concerned Edd asked.

"Eddy gave me this awful picture! How could he give me such a thing?"

"Relax, Jonny, it's not even real. So don't take it seriously."

"Eddy! Whatever goes through your head sometimes?" Edd scolded.

"Hey, I thought I was doing something nice for the birthday boy."

"You dorks don't know the meaning of a good birthday present, do you?" Kevin asked.

"I thought I'd seen it all from you, Eddy," Sarah yelled. "But I guess I haven't!"

"If you want to do something nice for me and Plank, you'll go spend another night with the people Plank hangs out with!" Jonny angrily told him.

Soon after, all three Eds were back where they were a while ago: chased up a tree avoiding Plank's unfriendly-looking friends.

"Double D, why do we always have to go through something like this?"

"Maybe if you think things through a little more carefully at the next birthday party, maybe we would find ourselves in such a predicament."

Ed, meanwhile, embraced his friends around the upper tree trunk in fear as he shivered looking down at Plank's friends who had them surrounded.

"Help me, Double D! Get them away from me!"

"Ed, grow up will you?" Eddy reprimanded. That only made him squeeze tighter.

"Help me guys, HELP ME!"

"Ow! Ed, you're giving me tightness in my sternum," Edd protested.

"Oh, brother." Eddy sighed and rolled his eyes, figuring he was going to be there a while.


	5. June 5 : Kevin

Nazz, Jonny and Plank walked up to Kevin's doorstep with large presents for him in celebration of his birthday. It was almost the start of summer and it was a scorching hot day, which had given way to a warm evening.

"You think Kevin will like the present I gave him, Plank?" Jonny asked his friend.

Plank gave him a blank look, which meant he was telling Jonny something.

"I'm glad you agree with me, buddy," Jonny responded.

"He's really going to like my present," Nazz said to herself.

The birthday boy had gotten in from a bike ride not too long ago and was sitting comfortably in his chair, and sipping lemonade while getting ready to watch game 2 of the NBA Finals between the Golden State Warriors and the Charlotte Bobcats.

He had been upset that no one realized it was his birthday and was sulky about it. Suddenly the bell rang.

"I hope it's not those dorks acting like bill collectors again," he said to himself. He made his way to the door and opened it.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" the kids exclaimed when the door was fully opened.

"Awesome! You remembered!" Kevin excitedly said.

"We sure did, and we brought you stuff. We think you'll love it," Jonny replied.

"Sarah, Jimmy and Rolf are coming by shortly to deliver your cake," Nazz added.

"You guys know how to make my day righteous," Kevin said, turning off the TV and turning his attention to his friends (a little more so to Nazz).

Before he could say anything else, however, the doorbell rang again.

"Maybe that's them with the cake," Nazz responded.

"I'll get it," Kevin said as he hurried to the door to answer it.

"SURPRISE!" yelled three familiar voices that Kevin had no interest in having over, even if it was well-intended. He shut the door immediately.

"Dorks. Why did they have to remember?" he grumbled to himself.

Five minutes later, the bell rang again.

"I'll get it, Kevin," Nazz said, hoping for his sake that it was not the Eds. She walked to the door and opened it.

"Where's the birthday boy?" Jimmy said upon Nazz opening the door.

"He's inside. Why don't you come in?"

"We have his cake and we think he's going to really like it," Sarah replied rather sarcastically. She didn't want to come.

"Rolf and the rest brought their presents," Rolf said.

"You guys are the best. Make yourselves comfortable and I'll tell you a ghost story before we eat and open my presents," Kevin said.

"Great idea," they all said. Once they did get comfortable, Kevin shut out the lights and told them a very grotesque non-fiction story he read about that occurred near the end of World War II. So, it wasn't really a ghost story, it really happened. He chuckled menacingly near the end of the story :

**"_On April 28, 1945, the Italian dictator and fascist founder Benito Mussolini and his mistress, Clara Petacci tried to escape from Italy and get to Switzerland. The Italian people very much resented him for bringing Italy into the war, killing innocent civilians, leading disastrous battles and being allies with Hitler. When he was caught, he, his mistress and the people who tried to escape with him were shot to death by the Italian resistance movement." _**He logged onto his new laptop that his parents had given him, browsed through sites, found pictures of the scene and showed them to everyone.**_"Look at their corpses lying on the floor. The next day, the bodies were hung upside down by both feet in the streets of Milan so that the partisans could beat them and fiercely vent their anger on them for Mussolini's misdeeds and the wrongdoing that he did to his own people. _**He went further into the site and showed graphic pictures of that gruesome scene**_. "By the end of the day…"_**

"ENOUGH! I DON"T WANT TO HEAR OR SEE ANYMORE!" a truly terrified Jimmy shouted and stuffed himself in Sarah's shoulders.

"That was a quite dramatic story, Kevin," Nazz said. "Now I know the horrors and realities of war."

"Let's get right to the cake and presents," Jonny suggested, not fazed at all by the story or the pictures.

"Why not?" Sarah said.

While they were doing that, Eddy was outside plotting how to ruin the party. He was very intent on doing so that he almost had an ecstatic breakdown just thinking about it.

"Maybe I'll get clowns and charge for admission. That'll get him good. Oh, this will be good."

"Eddy, haven't you tried that fatally flawed plan before?" Edd asked.

"What's better than a recycled plan, Double D?"

"But where will you find clowns?"

Eddy knowingly nodded.

Meanwhile, Kevin had finished opening his presents. Predictably, they were all sports-related: Rolf's present to him was a new helmet for his bike. Nazz gave him a DVD of Super Bowl IV. Jimmy and Sarah bought him a baseball computer game. Jonny and Plank gave him a basketball signed by Tim Duncan.

They had gotten comfortably in front of the TV and were watching the first _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_ movie. They were just getting to the good parts when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Jonny said getting up and answering the door. As soon as it was opened, Ed, with Edd attached to his hip, marched right in and galloped all over the living room.

"Howdy, kids! It's me again, Slappy the Clown! Remember?"

"Heavens, Ed. Don't go so fast! I get nauseated!" Edd protested as Ed went fast across the room.

"Hey you dorks, get out of my house!" Kevin shouted.

"That'll be 74 cents to get them out, birthday boy," Eddy said as he came in with his money jar.

Kevin wanted them to have no part in his party and he promptly grabbed all three Eds and tossed them clear out of the cul-de-sac.

"What did those idiots want?" Sarah asked. She was too involved with the movie and didn't realize what was happening.

"Just the usual," Kevin replied as they went back to the movie. After that they said good-bye and wished him final birthday wishes. Once everyone left, he watched the end of the basketball game in which the Bobcats beat the Warriors 112-109 to even the NBA Finals at a game apiece.


	6. August 3 : Nazz

Kevin woke up on a very hot midsummer day and was sweating profusely even without sheets. He wanted very badly to go back to sleep, but Mother Nature wouldn't let him.

"Why don't I just move to Saudi Arabia?" he asked himself as he got up and made himself breakfast.

"Let's see what's in the Sports section today." He opened up the paper to see baseball scores, preseason football notes and college football camps. But as he opened up, an envelope fell out. He opened it and read it.

"_Dear Kevin,_

_You are invited to my pool party at my house to celebrate my birthday. Be at my house at 3:00 and bring your bathing suit._

_Your friend,_

_Nazz."_

Kevin's eyes popped out of his head. "No way! I'm so there!" He was obviously overjoyed to be invited to Nazz's birthday party, not to mention POOL party. "Wait until I get there. Nazz will be impressed."

He got into his swimsuit, quickly wrapped her a present, got on his bike and rushed over to Nazz's as quickly as he safely could. Once he arrived, he spotted the birthday girl and rushed to her.

"Hey, Nazz, I'm here!" he exclaimed.

"Hey, Kevin. Glad you could make it, but it's only noon. The party's not until 3:00. Remember?"

"Yeah, but I thought I'd get here early."

Nazz just sighed and got back to party preparations. Kevin went inside to chill and watch TV.

When the time for the party arrived, Kevin was ready. But when he got outside to take a dip, he turned out to be very disappointed.

"Oh, man. Why did everyone else have to be invited? I was hoping for just me and Nazz at the party."

"Hey, Kev-O, think fast!" Eddy said as he squirted a water gun at him from behind.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing, dork?" he protested. The force of the gun was so strong that he stepped backwards and right into the pool. Unfortunately, he splashed Jimmy which made Sarah angry.

"Hey, you watch what you're doing," she scolded him before splashing him hard.

"Hey, Plank, look at Sarah kill Kevin," You-know-who commented as he observed.

"Rolf is enjoying himself, Victor. The hot sun is good for Rolf's skin and the water is a treat," Rolf said to Victor, who had been invited as well.

"Hey, guys," Nazz shouted in her swimsuit. "Come on out and get your hot dogs or hamburgers!"

At once, everyone got out of the pool and claimed their lunch. Ed, however, didn't hear her and stayed in the pool.

"Ed, do you want to eat something?" Nazz asked.

"Hang on, miss. You'll come for me," he replied.

She just left it on a table for him to eat when he was ready. She went inside and helped her mother get set up for her cake.

Kevin couldn't help but scold the Eds for being at his Nazz's party. "Hey, Dork-o, what made you think you could come to Nazz's party?"

"She invited us, just like she invited you," Eddy haughtily answered.

"Well, stay away from her. I have brought her a much better present than what you came with."

"We'll see about that."

30 minutes later, it was time for Nazz to open her presents. The cake would proceed that.

"Open this one first, Nazz. It's from me and Jimmy," Sarah offered. Nazz opened it.

"Thank you, guys," she said as she opened it up to reveal a red sweater for when winter arrived.

"Open Rolf's present next," Rolf requested. She opened it and found a gift she never thought she'd receive: a pair of half-eaten turnips from 1979.

"Thank you, Rolf," she said rather surprisingly, not knowing what to make of it.

"It is a favorite from Rolf's collection."

"Plank and I made you this picture." Jonny said handing her a picture he drew of her in the park on the swing.

"Cool. Thank you."

Edd presented Nazz with a gift certificate to a clothing store and Ed gave her his present containing his clothes (I don't think you want to know).

"Well, now that everyone else has given you their presents, I would like to give you mine," Eddy said.

"Okay, thank you Eddy," she replied. She was breathless to see his gift to her: an earring with her birthstone, (Peridot) in the middle.

"I don't think so, dork," Kevin said, pushing him away. "How would you like this, Nazz?" He pulled out a diamond friendship ring for her.

"These are both cool, guys. I appreciate it," Nazz said. She went to get ready for the cake and ice cream.

"She liked mine better," Kevin said teasingly to Eddy.

"Au contraire, Kev-o," Eddy counterattacked. "She liked mine much better."

"Yours was very lame. Don't you realize that?"

"No, yours was."

"Why, you…"

And a fistfight between the two ensued. Nazz had gotten back in the living room to announce a terrifying discovery.

"Guys, what happened to my cake?"

"NO CAKE?" Everyone but Ed exclaimed.

"Where the heck is Nazz's cake, Ed?" Sarah demandingly asked.

"I have no idea, Sarah," he jovially responded. However, he burped, and that gave it away.

"Ed, how could you, you idiot?" Sarah shouted.

"You tell me, Ms. Cake Eater," he responded in a demanding voice.

"Why, I oughtta…" Kevin pounced in.

"Hey, hey, leave Ed alone! He was famished!" Edd said in his friend's defense.

"Aw, come on, guys. It was only cake. So what?" Eddy needlessly added to everyone else.

Nazz then had Ed thrown out of her house. Eddy was next. And just for the sake of being with them, Edd was ejected as well.

"Good riddance to those dorks," Kevin said to himself.

"Well," Nazz said to try to lift her own spirits. "Let's not let this spoil my party. Let's go ahead and do our groove things."

This was met by an approving exclamation by everyone. Nazz put her Bon Jovi CD in her stereo and they danced the night away, forgetting about Ed's misdeed.


	7. September 16 : Eddy

"Okay, What did you all buy me today!" Eddy shouted as he burst out of his house.

Kevin was walking by and was startled by Eddy's sudden appearance. "What on Earth are you taking about, dork?"

"Come on. You know whose birthday is today, right?" He flashed him a million dollar smile.

"Jennifer Tilly?"

"No."

"Robin Yount?"

"No!"

"Orel Hershiser?"

"NO!"

"Actually, all three of those people do celebrate their birthday today. It was in the paper today. You should read the paper more often, loser." Kevin then took off on his bike back home, leaving Eddy to sulk on his lawn.

"You know, Eddy," Edd said as he walked up. "I'm pretty sure he and the others are still pretty bitter about you turning their birthday parties into catastrophes. I know I still am."

"So what? You and Ed going to help me turn my party into the biggest and most celebrated party in the history of the cul-de-sac!"

With that, Eddy ran back into his house to get party necessities.

Ed came running down the street, having just eaten breakfast at a nearby diner.

"What's going on in your head, Double D?"

"Eddy's throwing himself a birthday party. Can you believe it?"

"Yes, I certainly can, Double D."

About an hour later, Eddy's living room was turned into a party atmosphere. He was snickering uncontrollably and could not wait to find out what everyone would give him as presents.

"Hey, Lumpy!" Eddy called out of his house. "Go gather everyone and bring them here!"

"Can do, Birthday Boy," Ed replied as he rounded up everyone in the cul-de-sac.

"Eddy, don't you think the other kids aren't interested in attending your party?" Edd asked, going inside Eddy's house..

"Where there's a will, there's a way, Double D," he replied. "And you will be part of the will."

"I can't fathom you will do anymore of your preposterous scheming on me to get what you want. Is that your plan, Eddy?"

But he wasn't paying attention. He was already upstairs getting confetti to throw all over the floor.

Not too long after, Ed came back with everyone but Kevin in his arms. Everyone was bewildered.

"Ed! You put me down, now!" Sarah berated.

"Absolutely, baby sister," he responded. Promptly, he dropped everyone onto floor with a thud.

"Plank says, 'Watch what you're doing,'" Jonny complained as he got up.

"Ed, what's going on here?" Nazz asked.

"Rolf is not feeling too good about this, Ed boy," Rolf added.

Ed left the living room to go into the kitchen. After about a minute of waiting, the loudspeakers Eddy installed started playing Chicago's 25 or 6 to 4 and the Eds danced their way in, albeit horribly.

"What is this? Some sort of dance lesson scam?" Jimmy hesitated to ask.

"No way, curly boy," Eddy replied. "It's my birthday party that I have been so kind to invite you all to."

"Yeah, right. Like we'll have fun at this," Sarah said haughtily.

"Hey, this is my birthday, and none of you are going to ruin it for me!" Eddy chastised.

"I bet you've never had a bad birthday before like you've tried to give them."

"Hey! Not too long ago, I had an absolutely **_terrible_** birthday! It was five days after probably the worst day in the history of this continent! I couldn't celebrate my birthday because my parents had friends who died in the attacks! I had to attend memorial services left and right, even on my birthday! How do you think I felt about that?"

"Is that why you've been trying to give everyone birthday blues, Eddy?" Edd asked.

Ignoring his friend, Eddy brought out another of his handmade cake creations for everyone

"I don't want that!" everyone shouted in unison.

I won't tell you what was in it because you'd probably lose your lunch over it.

"Now, what did you buy me for presents?" Eddy asked with another million-dollar smile.

Everyone gave him a blank look.

"Oh, come on. You had to have at least bought me jawbreakers. I asked for them!"

"Eddy, maybe they couldn't afford them," Edd said.

"Stay out of this, Sockhead." Before he could do or say anything else, the doorbell rang.

"Oh boy! More birthday surprises!" he said excitedly and ran to open the door.

It was Kevin. He stood with a smirk and his arms crossed. "Hey, man. I thought I'd give you a little birthday present."

"Well, where is it! Did you get me any jawbreakers from your dad's factory?"

"Nope. Your present is right here. HEY GUYS! COME ON OVER!" Right on cue, four linebackers for the county high school approached Eddy and got into snap formation.

Before they blitzed, Kevin added: "I just don't have the strength to give you birthday beatings, so these guys will do it for me."

Eddy was so frightened that he ran over to his room and left everyone alone. The linebackers went away.

"So what do we do now," asked Jimmy.

"Let's listen to music and go out to eat somewhere," Kevin suggested.

"Good idea," Double D replied.

So everyone popped in their favorite CD to the loudspeakers and afterwards had a sandwich at a nearby sub shop.

Eddy came out of his room and felt relieved that the linebackers went away, but was livid that everyone had gone away. "What is so bad about my birthday!" he seethed to himself. He went outside and called out: "HEY! ALL OF YOU COME BACK TO MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW AND FINISH THE PARTY!"

Upon hearing this, the kids ignored him and went back to their sandwiches.

Eddy went over to the shop and ordered everyone back to the party.

"Hey, we're all finished with the party," Kevin replied. "Right now, we're enjoying ourselves in having lunch, dork."

"Fine! I'll take myself out to dinner and I'll celebrate my party with my parents if it means that much to you!" With that, he stormed out of the sandwich shop red in the face and got dressed to go out to dinner.

The other kids, including Ed and Edd wondered if now Eddy hada better appreciation of what others' birthdays felt like as a result of someone else's foolishness.


End file.
